The Language of “Un” Love

Much has been written over the years about the language of love, but not so much about the language of separation, and divorce. As a long time family lawyer, I have heard it all.

To help those of you experiencing separation, and divorce, to truly understand the actual meaning of the language of separation, and divorce, I have created the following translation, of the most common expressions, and the recommended course of action.

Words	​Actual Meaning	Action
​“We don’t need to pay for any damn lawyer to tell us what to do. We can just prepare something in writing ourselves and sign it.”	​Your spouse has already obtained legal advice and been shocked to hear of your rights and interests. Under no circumstances does your spouse want you to know your actual entitlement and will craft an agreement or persuade you to sign an agreement to make sure you don’t get what you are entitled to receive.	​By all means ignore your spouses’ words and obtain a consultation from a family lawyer to ensure your rights and entitlements are properly protected.
​“I have spoken to a lawyer, and he/she made it clear that you are not entitled to claim support”	​Whether or not you spouse actually spoke to a lawyer, is doubtful. Regardless, whatever your spouse tells you about your legal rights is highly suspect. However, if you truly trust your spouse and whatever he says about your legal rights you should remain married.	​The only way to know your actual legal interests, or entitlements, is to obtain a consultation with your own family law counsel.
​“If we can’t have it the way I want, I will see you in court.”	​Clearly the words of a bully attempting to find out from your response whether you are prepared to preferably cave, or fight for your interests.	​Under no circumstances should you say words to the effect of “I really don’t want to go to court either” versus the recommended “I will take whatever steps are necessary, including court, to protect my legal interests.”